merry & bright

Christmas always goes by waay too quickly. Usually a few days before the actual day I start to realize it's almost over and wish I would have done more: decorated more cookies, given more presents, stayed home longer, put up more decorations, made homemade eggnog, listened to more Christmas carols, hung more garland...All the things I did but not enough. I always find myself thinking, "Next year, I want to..." There's just so much that comes with the holiday, with this time of year. I love every part of it and the warm cozy carefree feelings that tend to follow.

We had a really really great Christmas. Wintery white Christmas in Montana is way too good and I'm thinking it's going to be a very long time before we end the tradition of traveling over to celebrate. We both sat at the table eating dinner tonight and agreed we wished we were still there. We couldn't have stayed longer than the 8 days because Nathan needed to get back to work and really I think it was the perfect amount of time where we didn't wear out our welcome (I think) or get tired of being there.

Now we are preparing for our New Year's trip to Vegas. We are going with 3 other couples on Thursday night. I haven't been to Vegas since I was 16 so I'm thinking this trip will be a bit different than a visit to the M&M factory. It should be a good time I'm sure. I have the week off since I work at a school so I am cleaning up the aftermath of our overly stuffed car, doing laundry and reading for pleasure.

flossing

Tonight I am going to try my hand at homemade caramels-Apple Cider ones to be exact. I am slowly but surely working on becoming a good (key word here...I can cook and bake but I want to be GOOD) cook and baker. Every so often I try a recipe that doesn't turn out so great and I am thankful for my good-natured taste-testing hubby who never complains. Unfortunately I ruined the pecan pie at Thanksgiving and that was a big letdown...I know, that's one that is very basic and shouldn't be so hard, especially since I topped that with an amazing white chocolate pumpkin cheesecake with gingerbread crust...But something went wrong. My goal is a redeeming Christmas pecan pie.

Speaking of all this baking and sweet eating, we had dentist appointments today. The running joke is always that Nathan, when we started dating, had not been to the dentist in like 3 years. I encouraged him to go, both of us expecting many many cavities after years of poor dental health. Surprisingly, he left with NO cavities and the dentist even said his teeth looked great. I left with THREE cavities (my first ever) and got a serious lecture about taking better care of my teeth - even though I had been practicing regular check-ups, brushing regularly and even flossing. Ugh. Nathan has some amazingly perfect spaces between his teeth that make flossing nearly unncessary. I hate it. So today we went to the dentist - he still doesn't floss and still often forgets to brush his teeth - and the dental hygienist not only told him his teeth looked great but that she could tell he had been flossing...and he lied and said he does! What a turd. Luckily the dentist finally (after two years of us going there) also told me that my teeth look good. Sheesh. I have been flossing like crazy.

Tomorrow we are going to get massages! So excited. We are also getting our Christmas tree and making a final decision about whether or not we'll put lights on our house. We only have a couple weeks to enjoy them before we leave for Montana so we need to decide if it's worth it. The neighbors have some simple icicle lights that look adorable with the high peaks of our roofs so we might be easily sold on them. It'd be a loss to not decorate our first home!

snow day(s)

Today was a snow day. Tomorrow is a snow day. There is about 2 inches of snow on the ground. I guess they should call it an "ice day" here because that's really more the issue. When the streets freeze people get really dumb...not to mention much of the Seattle area is on hills so there is a lot of sliding all over the place and hitting other cars, light posts, etc. Truthfully though, the area where we live and the radius in which my school district sits is just fine. Canceling school was probably not necessary at all. But I must remember we aren't in Montana anymore Toto.

Of course I won't complain about a snow day, especially right before Thanksgiving! I worked one day this week and will get paid for the whole week. But I had every intention of returning to work Tuesday which meant I left a to-do list of things to do, thinking I'd have until Wednesday to take care of them. One of them was getting winter clothes for a family...it worries me that I can't take care of that until next week. I know they'll be okay but I just hate knowing the amount of time that will lapse in between now and then. I also have stats to turn in and brought my computer home to do them yet I can't access my files without being connected to the school's server. I am literally driving to my high school tomorrow and parking in the parking lot to try and pick up the wi-fi just long enough to save my file and go home to finish the stats. If anyone is there I will go in but otherwise the building will be locked and there's no way I am going to try and turn off the huge alarm system without the police coming.

Beyond that I have some baking to do. I ordered a Strawberry Rhubarb pie from a delicious bakery but I am going to make the other two pies: Pecan Pie (Nathan's favorite and the only pie he ever requests) and White Chocolate Cream Cheese Pumpkin Pie (with a gingersnap crust...yeah, yum). I also want to make some homemade granola and pumpkin streusel bread. Oh and a french toast casserole for one of these mornings. And chili for tomorrow night. So maybe a day off is helpful. We are hosting Thanksgiving for the first time so there is much to be done but it should be really fun.

I am watching tons of Black Friday specials appear each day...I want so badly to take advantage of ALL of them. I have never actually been in a place with good shopping on Black Friday, I've always been in Montana. Not to mention the cyber shopping is the best I've ever seen it this year. Probably not so good for my shopping addiction but oh it's fun to look.

montana

Recently Nathan called me on his way home from a rough day at work. He was stressed and wondered outloud if moving to Montana would make life easier. Of course there is a little part of me that thinks everything is easier in the mountains of Montana but if we realistically think about moving back, it won't be all sunshine and rainbows.

The thing about Montana is that it's our refuge, our safe place, our vacation spot, our HOME. And going home always feels good. But that's the thing, if we move back permanently, will it still feel as great as it does when we visit 4-5 times a year?

Moving back is always a constant theme around here so I apologize for a topic that has already been discussed, it's just something that we always have in the back of our minds. Like a dream that always runs through our heads, makes us feel warm and cozy but never really comes to fruition. Someday we will move back, there's no question. But we just have to be real with ourselves about the big changes that come with it and whether or not we're ready for them yet.

Seattle is definitely growing on me. I love the culture, I love having a million places to eat, I love the diversity of people, architecture, desinations, things to do, etc. I love how green it is here. But as I was reading the online version of 406 Woman I saw a lot of smiling happy faces, ads for new businesses and pictures of wide open spaces...and Montana looked pretty darn good too. In 2010 we will have gone back to Montana almost 10 times I think. If we keep that up, it's not so bad to live over here and get to travel back and forth often.

ANYWAY!
Nathan leaves for London in a few hours. He is going to get to see his sister for a few days too, so that will be really nice for both of them. She requested Wheat Thins and some face product stuff so I made sure his suitcase has those key items. I wish I could go but it makes me very excited for my turn in April. I already found a cupcake bakery that will be my first stop in London. Priorities.

dreaming big

We have a dream. Someday we would like to move back to Montana and raise our kids in the wild, wild west and the simple lifestyle of mountains and fresh air....But we can't do it unless we can find jobs. For me, it's not a big deal. Social work pays diddily squat not matter where you go and it's needed in every big and small town across the globe. But Nathan's chosen career is a little bit harder niche to fill in Montana. There are no e-commerce, dot coms or major companies to work for with the kind of room for advancement he has at Expedia. Being the breadwinner in our family, it's a bit important that he find something comparable. So we wait. Truthfully we aren't ready for Montana yet anyway (we are enjoying the diversity, liberal mindsets and opportunities that the city offers just a bit too much right now) but when we are, we need a plan.


Enter our grand idea: Start a business. I can't say our exact business idea because I'm afraid someone else might open it before we do...and then I'd be bummed. Especially since we're years out from it so who knows what can happen. But in the mean time, a girl can dream! The business involves food, a spot on downtown Main Street, cuteness and a concept that is extremely popular in Seattle and other big cities and most likely could catch on in Montana if we did it right. If you really want to know, ask me and I'll tell you if you promise to keep your mouth shut and not steal our idea.

Nathan also has a background in business so this wouldn't be a total blind idea. I would be in charge of the fun things and he'd do the business plan and the logistics. Eventually I'd tie in social work probably by being a socially conscious business, donating to non-profits and supporting other local businesses but using them in our own company. Ohh it'd be great. And delicious. We have so many ideas floating around and would love to someday take the risk and make them a reality. I think it's a risk because Montana will never be like Seattle and might not accept a new idea...but based on how it seems to flourish in every other community I don't see why it couldn't work if we were smart about it.

Someday. Someday. :)

blogger

I want to start a blog, like a real one with a theme and sponsors who pay to have their ads scroll along the sides of the screen. I want to write for fun but get paid a little too. I want followers who watch for my updates just like I watch for the updates on many of my favorite blogs. I LOVE blogs and I love blogging...you couldn't tell from the mundane updates of this blog but I really do love to write and I would love for it to be a bigger part of my life and/or career than just journal entries here and there. But I need a topic...something consistent in my blog like home improvements or motherhood or DIY projects..But we are far too unskilled to write about home improvements, I'm not a mommy (although I am super excited to have a mommy blog when I do have the chance) and crafts are fun...but I'm not that creative...Any ideas? There's got to be something.

As much as I love social work, things are just so slow at my job that I feel like I need a creative outlet somewhere or something to add a little spunk, something that gets me as excited as social work can on a good day. I'll find it...

In the mean time I spray painted picture frames and an old bedside table yesterday. I also inadvertantly painted our sidewalk white. Oops. Hopefully we'll live here long enough for it to fade before someone is interested in buying our house. I don't know how long it takes paint to come off the ground? I also found some chairs for our formal living room and will soon order them I think. It's coming together piece by piece and I'm anxious for friends and family to see our house soon. It is still far from being exactly what I envision but I think we're getting there slowly but surely!

labor day weekend

Labor Day weekend! Yay! It's fun to have my hubby home on a Monday. Sometimes I feel like I'm a stay at home wife since I get off work so early and have so much time off...I am getting dangerously used to it. School starts tomorrow though and I am hoping and praying I get busy. I will still be off at 2:30pm and have a million days off but hopefully my 7 hours a day of work will be full of things to do! I think these first weeks will be slow, just because I am not going to pull kids from classes they've just started...but I am sure it won't take long for things to get going. I hope.

We went to the state fair last night. As you could guess, the fat kid in me was extremely excited to indulge in fair food and ohhhh I did. Years ago at the Montana state fair in Great Falls I had deep fried onion (like onion rings only an entire onion, kind of like the Bloomin' Onion at Outback Steakhouse). I have always hoped other fairs would have them but have been continually let down. Imagine my excitement when we walked up to a booth with a blinking "Onion Burst $7" sign. Ohhhhh yum.

Despite resembling a spider, it was amazing. Now I have to wait a whole year to have another! It's probably a good thing though, I am planning a long walk/run with the dog today to burn a few of those calories.

We went to the rodeo expecting a big Montana-style event but instead were in a tiny indoor arena. It was still fun though, I can't ever complain about a fair.

We also filled our weekend with a trip to Ikea, dinner with Whitney and Joey and a few more projects around the house. I am going to run out and buy paint now to cross another room off the list, yippee! I have become obsessed with home decorating and right now mostly just read about it but day by day I am trying to add new things to our's. It's a long and expensive process but over time I hope our little home eventually become cute, cozy and even magazine-worthy if I can figure it all out.

married!

I haven't blogged since the wedding! After the wedding we spent a week in Montana relaxing, came back to Seattle for a week and a half and then went back to Montana again for Logan and Eric's wedding. It was a bit of a whirlwind but soooo fun. We still have one more wedding to go to in September and already FOUR scheduled for next year. We are definitely in the season of love with all of our friends. We are going to need to start a savings account just for all the wedding gifts we'll purchase!

Our wedding was truly amazing. It was perfect. And I really do mean perfect. There was nothing that went wrong, no major issues, no weather problems...it was truly perfect...magical...wonderful. We had so much fun too. It was four days of wedding celebrations starting with my bridal shower and going through to the rehearsal, rehearsal dinner, wedding and morning after brunch. SO much fun. My only wish? That we could do it all over again. The moments went by so quickly. This is why I actually love going to other people's weddings now. We can relive all the moments from our wedding, just through our friends.

wine tasting and to-do lists

I finally got around to uploading the pictures from my bachelorette party last weekend. It was SO much fun. We went wine tasting (my first time) and then out to dinner at a really good seafood restaurant in downtown Seattle on the lake.

I loved the group of girls who were able to come with, I think we all had a really good time and I am so thankful they were all there to help me celebrate!

3 weeks until our wedding! The last minute stuff has begun. I continue to write to-do lists of tasks that can't quite yet be done yet but must be accomplished by the wedding week. I am so nervous I will forget something like order 5 extra table cloths or add another appointment for a girl to get her hair done or order the kegs Tuesday...so many details! But I think I'm on top of it. The lists are my life savers for sure. I am anxious to be home and surrounded by a team of helpers and planners and organizers who can carry us through the rest of it.

I think Nathan and I are going to go head to a movie and round out our low-key weekend (I may also convince him to make a quick stop at the Nordstrom anniversary sale...just so I can take a peek). This is actually our last weekend before the storm. Next weekend is Abbie's wedding, the next weekend we head home and the following is our wedding...AHHHHHHHHHH!!!!

summer sunshine

Can I just say I love summer? Things are just so carefree and sunny and happy and FUN. We are going to Bite of Seattle this weekend which totally equals summer to me. Tons of happy people, food stands for miles, water parks, music, sitting on the grass, walking around in shorts, holding hands, taking pictures. I'm excited.

Then next weekend we are back in Montana for Abbie's wedding! Weddings also equal summer to me and obviously this summer is no exception by any means. Ahh. I am definitely looking forward to all of it...

On the home front, I got a couple samples of paint so I can re-do the yellow office (it's just way too bright and I feel guilty considering it will also be a guest room...and our poor guests will die of yellow overload) and finally paint our bedroom. The yellow is definitely a go but for our bedroom I chose two greyish blues and we cannot seem to choose which one we like better, they're both good! We also have one naked wall in our family room because we ran out of taupe color and thought it might be the perfect opportunity to throw in an accent wall...But what color accent wall!? That room is mostly neutrals, tans, browns, light blues. I was thinking a really light blue which I don't think classifies as an accent wall, but whatever. The painting never goes very quickly anyway so I'm not in a hurry because I am estimating it will be the end of August before we finally get it all finished...but I like to dream.

I also want to plant some flowers in some planters on our steps but I am very nervous about them surviving while we are gone so much this summer. When we came back last week our little pansies were completely dead. I need a timed waterer for a little flower pot, has anyone invented that?

We are going to test drive some cars for Nathan this weekend. We are sad to say we may have to get rid of the truck. It's a bummer because we love its comfort, utility and just all around greatness...but it is a terrible vehicle for commuting and that is exactly what Nathan is doing every day. He is looking at the Audi A4 which isn't exactly what I was thinking but he really wants all wheel drive while still having some sportiness and power. It also has to be comfortable for a tall guy and have four doors...because let's be realistic, we plan to keep this next car for a while and that probably means needing to use the backseat for things like...babies. So we'll see what we can find. Surprisingly the Audi A4 is only about $15 more a month for insurance which was music to my ears considering our insurance is at a great rate since it just went down again when we moved to a safer area.

the ship has sailed!

We have finally finished our wedding invitations and got the majority of them in the mail exactly at the 6 week deadline. What a relief! I love them after adding a backing to the invite and polka dot yellow envelope liners. It was a lot of extra work but my sweet hubby-to-be was a great crafting assistant. In fact, on Sunday morning he got up at 6:00am and stamped our return address on every single envelope...and beautifully too!

We are ready for this wedding! There are a few extra details to work out and then it's go time! We're pretty excited for the big day and the combination of sealing the deal forever as well as spending time with so many friends and family in our favorite place.
A lot of our friends have been taking trips and buying fun things lately and we have been bummed to not take part due to saving for a wedding and our house...but looking back I don't know if I'd do it any other way. The wait is going to be so worth it and I think coming home to OUR house is going to feel even better when we can hang a "The Johnsons" sign on the door and wake up each morning as husband and wife. I know I'm going to spend a good part of August 7 crying but it's all going to be big huge happy tears. I'm crazy in love with the boy I will call my husband and I can't wait to make it officially official. We are also BEYOND excited to be at the lake for 2 weeks basking in the sun with family and taking a little break from the stressful side of life.

It's going to be good.

labels and bent rings

I am working on creating labels for our wedding invitations right now. So many of our friends of the moving around every few months age so I am trying to stay on top of the updates. Our invitations are running a bit late so the plan is to create the labels, put them on the envelopes and have everything ready and waiting the day they arrive. It should come as no surprise that they will be late, it is mostly just my life story. I couldn't find the ones I wanted and then finally chose a graphic designer and didn't plan for the amount of time the back and forth edits would take. But they are at the printer now and they will soon be finished and that is all that matters!

I just noticed my engagement ring is really bent, at the diamond part. I have no idea how this happened but I am totally worried now. This ring is supposed to last...um, forever and already I'm having issues. When we went to pick out our wedding bands last month the guy at the store mentioned the white gold color was already starting to wear off my e-ring. In less than a year! My ring is Tacori, it wasn't cheap by any means so I'm a bit surprised...but I guess white gold is just very soft. I didn't want platinum because I thought it was a waste for the same look but now I guess I get it...I just need to be more careful I think. And our wedding bands...ohhhhh how I can't wait to have mine. We both got ones we really love so we are quite anxious for August 7th to get here. We are also getting some special tattoos (very tiny, most unnoticeable) after the wedding and are pretty excited for those as well. Nathan's is indestructable Tungsten and mine is, again, white gold. But oh so beeeeyooteefull!

The sun is finally out and I think summer might be on its way. I have started running and am hoping to stick to it. There is a long street that leads to our house and there are always tons of people running on the sidewalks everytime I drive by. It has pushed me to get out and do the same. Unfortunately I feel guilty going without the dog and he usually ruins my whole workout. He is the worst leash dog ever. He is a male hound and has to stop to smell everything and pee on everything. It is SO frustrating because after most of his stops he takes off running and pulls me with him. I thought he'd get better with more time on a leash but I have been doing this for 2 1/2 years and nothing has changed. I can't leave him though, he knows what it means when I change into shorts and put on shoes and jumps up and down until I take him with me. At least he's getting some exercise too I guess. We are taking him to Doggy Haven Resort tomorrow to test out a new and much more exciting doggy day camp (he usually goes to PetSmart). Pretty sure he is not going to want to leave.

home

We've been in our new home for almost a week! We have spent nearly every day moving between the old house and the new one (who knew we had so much stuff?) but we are nearly finished. The first thing we moved was the bed so we've been staying the night since day one.

We have painted 2 rooms and while there are some obvious signs we did it ourselves, we're still pretty happy with the results. I had dreamed of turning the smallest bedroom into a cheerful yellow office so we painted it first, only to find that "pale butter" was not so pale and rather a margarine hue. It's a bit bright and I have to admit, I closed the door for a whole day because I didn't want to look at it...but I think it will be okay. The furniture and accents in there will be mostly white and that should help tone it down a little. It's always a waiting game to find out if the paint is actually the same color by the time the room is finished and it has dried. Oh well, nothing is permanent.

3 different neighbors have said hello, welcomed us to to the neighborhood and even offered to help us move. It feels so good to be part of a community again. We have still not seen any other dogs though so we're a little nervous Scrappy is the only one. Not that it's a bad thing but just that most people are a little more understanding when a dog pees on their plants if they have a dog of their own. Oh well. He doesn't run far yet anyway, I think he's still understanding that this is our new home. He has a doggy door now too. He loves it but is still learning that he can use it whenever he wants, without permission.

We desperately want to furnish every room in the house but are taking it slow. Our wedding is two and a half months away so we need to focus on saving for it...and we have to have something to register for! So we are just making do with getting a few things here and there. Besides, we'll be here for a few years so there's no reason to do everything at once.

almost finished!

We are FINALLY [almost] homeowners! We signed the paperwork on Thursday and were set to get keys Friday. Unfortunately the escrow office forgot a piece of paperwork and everything got pushed back. Nathan left for his bachelor party Friday morning and they didn't realize the paperwork was missing until after he had left. So we wait...We will officially have the place Monday but our realtor called the sellers to ask if they would let us in early. They said we could go in and clean and mow if we wanted to. So I have the key.

I went there today and walked through every room, opened every cabinet and drawer and imagined the paint colors and furniture that would fill them. I am a little overwhelmed by the painting that needs to happen. The walls are TALL and there is so much space to cover! I think it will be a day by day thing, a room here, a room there. But I'm excited and I am super excited for Nathan to get home and for us to move in and make it our own!

This has been such a long time coming and finally it's here!

the haps

Wow, we have definitely been busy this year and it's only April! So, we thought we found a house, we made an offer, we had mutual acceptance, we got ready to move forward...but then we got realistic. The house was awesome, brand new, modern and really fun and funky. However, it was right on the interstate. Loud and visable. We thought we could look past it but we were luckily talked out of it just in time. Nathan's mom has been in town (more on that later) and we took her over to view the house last weekend. Being an experienced buyer and seller, she was able to give us very helpful insight about the resale value of our home. Our plan is to only stay in this house for 5 years so resale is a major priority. This one's location near the interstate will make it SO hard to sell. Luckily our realtor is awesome and she was able to save our earnest money and get us pulled out just in time.

We are relieved we didn't get stuck in a house we might not ever sell. So now we are back to the short sale...and it's looking really good. We had an inspection yesterday and it looks great. A few very minor things like a broken doorbell, missing weather stripping on the front door and a bathroom fan duct that needs to be reattached...not bad at all! Next will be the appraisal and then we will wait for our loan company to get all our paperwork through so we can move to closing. Right now our closing date is set at May 30 but the goal is at least a week or two sooner and we should be able to do it. Since it's a short sale with drama nothing is for sure until the keys are in our hands so we around holding our breath...but we are SO hopeful!

Aside from house news, I got a new job!! I will be working at a middle school and a high school in the Edmonds School District as a Prevention Interventionist. It's basically a case manager for students and families with high risk students. I'm really excited, it's a great career move and should be great. Plus I'll be on the school schedule! I will work part time in July and August but otherwise I'll have the traditional spring break, winter break, holidays...niiiice. I am super sad to leave my coworkers at Hopelink but it's time to go. I haven't been happy in my job for months so I need to make the change, and I think this one will be a lasting change.

In not so happy news, Nathan's grandma was flown over to Harbor View from Montana last week. She has a very bad infection that is still yet to be explained. They are saying spinal bacterial meningitis but there is nothing for sure. She is very disoriented, had a major spinal surgery to remove a lot of the infection and has fluid in her lungs. Some days are better than others but until there are some medical answers it is just a mystery. We are glad she is here so we can provide a free place to stay and a car to drive for Nathan's mom and uncle and the other family who come to see here. Plus Harbor View is the best place she can be with a medical mystery so that's good. We are saying lots of prayers in hope of some answers! They say she could be here for 2 months so we are hoping we get that new house soon so there is more room for everyone!

still nothing

Whew. So a month later and we are still waiting. We did get written approval from one bank but the second bank has not come through yet and it is getting really frustrating. We are continuing to look at other places but there is just nothing available right now...and if it is it is quickly picked up by someone else. Argh. If we don't lock into a contract by April 30 we will probably leave the housing market for a few months to take some time off, finish up the plans for a our wedding and then maybe re-enter this summer. It's just a little too draining for us.

So please think good thoughts. We really really really want a house and would love to get it soon. The tax credit would sure be nice too so we are just hoping it all falls into place...

Beyond that, we finally bought a new vacuum and truly cannot believe what this thing is picking up! GROSS! This was the best investment we have made in a long time, we never should have waited so long. Cleaning is fun now! Nathan is in London for work this week but has asked me to save some vacuuming for him...that's how you know this thing rocks! Bissell Pet Eraser, I love you!

frustrated

Ughh. We are starting to get pretty frustrated with the home buying process. We lost ANOTHER house this weekend. It was a last minute brand new one that came on the market because the builder was trying to get rid of his current buyers due to some major issues. He accepted our offer but had to wait for the buyers to be out of contract...Unfortunately they were able to keep fighting and kept the house. Ughhh. I think this is the 5th we've lost? It's getting old.

We put an offer on a short sale a couple weeks ago and we know that has been accepted by the sellers but it's at the bank for approval now which could take weeks and most likely will come back negatively because the sellers are trying to sell for a quite a bit less than they still owe. For us it would be an amazing deal because we'd pay what we could afford for a house even nicer than we would normally be able to get...but our chances are slim.

Our other option is a pre-sale for some brand new houses set to finish June 15. The only problem is we have to close by June 30 to get the homebuyer tax credit...and I think any person in their right mind knows houses do not finish on time. 15 days does not give us a whole lot of wiggle room so we have to decide if we're willing to risk it. The house is nice and the area is good but it's hard to commit to something when we can't even see what the finish product would look like. It seems fine and we've seen places by this builder but who knows where on the lot they'll place the house, how exactly the layout will feel when we're actually standing in it, what it will be like when all the other houses are built around us...those are all big things to not know. So we're a little hesitant.

BUT, nothing new has come on the market this week. Usually we spend our weekends touring houses but this weekend...nothing. So we're getting nervous. We need to lock into something in the next few weeks to know we will make it to the deadline. We're just so emotionally drained as we keep riding this roller coaster. It is truly up and down and up and down. We don't even like to tell people what's going on because we usually have to go back and tell them it didn't work out. It's frustrating and it's hard because we can't just settle on something. This is at least 5 year commitment so we need to like it-a lot.

Anyway. Not sure what to do next...

whirlwind weekend

I am back from my whirlwind wedding planning weekend in Montana. It was good, we got a tent for WAAAY less than we thought ($500 versus thousands!), booked a DJ, got some ideas for florists and sampled some food from possible caterers. We're getting somewhere! I need to go back again with a little more time to do things but I'm not sure when that will be...maybe Easter will be the next opportunity. It's not exactly cheap to get there and it's pointless for me to drive if it's only for couple days. I guess we just need to accept that this year will probably be the most expensive year of our lives right now! I am sooo excited for this summer and I can't wait for it to get here...at the same time I really want to savor these moments and planning and excitement before they are gone. Less than 6 months left, I can't believe it.

We didn't get the house we liked. We offered on the brand new one and were getting somewhere, going back and forth with counter offers...and then a cash buyer came in and offered full price and we were out. Ughhhh. Our realtor went and looked at 6 places this weekend and didn't think any were worth showing us. We just found a bunch of listing for brand new places being built now. Our realtor is checking to see if they will be a possibility. We really want to get the tax credit which means we have to be in a binding contract by April 30 and close by June 30. Not sure if these houses will be finished by then. She is going to check and let us know tomorrow. I so hope. They are nice brand new places well within our price range. I am kind of losing hope right now so we really need something good to happen before the discouragement sets in. There's got to be something out there for us.

the process

We are getting closer and closer to mutual acceptance on a house...and that means closer and closer to some big changes in our lives. Right now the front runner is a brand new home in a new development. It's 2300 square feet, 4 bedrooms, 2.5 bathrooms, walk in closets in every bedroom, wood floor in kitchen and entry, all new appliances...and on and on. It is a beautiful place and will definitely have a great resale value when we get to the point (although, who knows, we may love it so much we could stay for much longer than we think!).

BUT the house will definitely require us to put some constraints on our fun money and expendable income. We will probably cut down our cable drastically or even get rid of it, we will have a backyard so we will cut out the cost of doggy day camp and paying a neighbor to let Scrappy out, we will consider a roommate, we will happily carpool with any and everyone who wants to share the cost of gas, we will cut coupons, we will become garage sale experts for some of our new furnishings, we will carefully plan major vacations, we will entertain at our house instead of go out...We will learn to make sacrifices that won't change our happiness, just broaden our horizons. And that's something we need to accept. We are so lucky that we can consider a place like this so early in our lives and we need to understand that we can't have EVERYTHING at once, we can learn to grow into our house and start with the basics and make it fun...and at the end of the day, come home to a house we absolutely love.

We are sending back a counter offer tomorrow and will wait and see what happens. If it's not accepted we are prepared to (sadly) walk away and keep looking. There is one other house that is a possibility but we are unsure about the neighborhood and its resale value and therefore have put it on the backburner for the time being (which really is like a day in real estate world because we are now at the point where things will move very quickly). So we'll see!

We are in our townhouse until May so we have time still for any time needed for closing (because that's when things start to slow back down again-at a snail's pace) and in fact we are happy for it to take as long as needed so we don't have to pay a rent and a mortgage in the same month. Chances are slim it will happen but we are taking precautions.

So here goes nothing! Our realtor has the details and will call the agent at 9:00am tomorrow. I am to then check in with her at 11:00am and hopefully hear some news. Fingers crossed for a good deal!

developing my skill

When I was in graduate school there was one teacher who always talked about finding the good in situations and learning from them. Anytime something would be really hard she would tell us to ask ourselves, "What skill am I being called to develop?" and then we would re-think it and say, "oh, right, I need to learn patience/tolerance/compassion right now...not get frustrated" and it always seemed to make the hardest days feel a little better.

Lately at work I have been called to develop just about every skill in the book and I'm becoming a bit burnt out. I really want to find the positive in it and know that this is a challenge I can grow and learn from...but it is just getting to be a bit much. When the tears come it's about time to look at it a little differently I think. I'm trying to explore the angles, think about what I can do differently, how I can be a better employee...but I just keep hitting a brick wall. There's no secret I am actively (or semi-actively) pursuing another job as this one just isn't for me...but it's hard to leave my clients and really hard to leave the coworkers and team I really really love. But I can't keep coming home like this or having my days interrupted with such hard feelings and then not being able to find support where I expect to see it. My coworkers and my fiance are beyond anything I can ask for when it comes to hugs and condolances and creative ideas for making things better and I so appreciate them. But at the end of the day they aren't the ones who fill out my yearly review or decide whether or not I keep my job...and it's those people I need to get on the same level with...and it just isn't happening.

I usually really want the weekend to get here on days like this but then I honestly spend the weekend wishing work would start again soon so I could stop thinking about it and just DO it. If I loved my job I wouldn't mind thinking about it all the time but this isn't quite the case. I try to love it, I really do. That's what I want. That's why I'm in social work. I want to love it. I DO love it. It's me, it's my passion...but my passion is going to quickly lose it's flame if things stay this way. It's far too early in my career for that to happen...and frankly too early in my life. I don't think about it as a career. I don't do it for the paycheck because Lord knows it's no big paycheck...I do it because it means something to me, and I don't ever want it to stop meaning something really really big and important.

I'm not quite sure what my plan is from here but I know I need to move in the direction of change, quickly.

house offer

We finally saw Avatar at the IMAX today! We were laying around trying to decide what to do to avoid a super lazy Sunday when Nathan started to look up movie times. He told me if I could be ready in 40 minutes to walk out the door at 10:00am we could make it to get tickets for the movie. Getting ready that fast is a bit of a feat for me as my hair takes a million years to comb when it's wet and then takes a few more years to dry when I don't get to let it air dry for a little while. But I did it and we were pulling out of the driveway at 10:01am.

The movie didn't start until 11:30am so but we were among the first to get seats. FINALLY. I guess the first showing on Sunday morning is the least popular. The guy told us the movie following that one was already 75% sold out so we definitely made the right choice. It was definitely a good movie and I'm glad I finally saw it (Nathan's second time)! It was a lot of work to see that damn thing!

In other news, we made an offer on the house last week! We should find out by Tuesday what the bank will bring back. We expect them to counter with a higher offer and we are prepared to negotiate but have also drawn the line where we will have to walk away. We are both getting pretty emotionally involved in the whole thing. Not really THIS house specifically but just A house. We are just really excited to take this step so we are hoping it can happen. But we also trust that if it's not the right time for us, well then it just isn't...and we can wait, hopefully. We are two of the most impatient people in the world so it's all a challenge in patience and grown-up-ness. It's well worth it though. This is the biggest purchase of our lives thus far so we aren't about to mess around. If it's meant to be it will be!

There is one other house we are going to check out tomorrow. It's a place that is just coming onto the market and our agent really thinks we need to see it. She sent us a couple pictures and it is pretty adorable. It is older than the one we put the offer on but it is-from what we've been told-in immaculate condition. It is also within walking distance of a town center with cute little shops...one of the things I really want in a house someday. So I'm excited to see if we love it just as much or more.

house

We went and looked at 2 houses today, the one that has been our favorite so far (we were seeing it for a third time) and a new one. The new one was pretty cute on the inside and nestled in a cul-de-sac; seemingly perfect until we walked outside. How we missed the giant high voltage electric towers surrounding the house is behind me. They tower over the house and the backyard buzzes like a hairdryer in a bathtub. Totally ruined everything. There's no way we would ever be able to resell that house if we bought it. I don't know exactly what it is but it's a giant field of power lines and towers that clearly is not going anywhere soon. It means there are no neighbors on that end but it also means the environmental risks could be something we might not discover until it's too late. Bummer.

So we were back at the first house, the one that has been the frontrunner since the start. Our realtor said she thinks we can start at $213,000 and see what the bank comes back with. It's priced at $269,000 (already well below our max of $300,000) and it's bank owned. So we can definitely start low and probably get it low. She said her goal would be to get us in it at $225,000 plus closing costs. And then we'd add a $15,000-$20,000 rehabilitation loan for new appliances, new carpet, hardwood floors, crown molding, painted walls, new kitchen cabinets, a rebuilt deck and a few other things. To have a mortgage payment well within in our means and a house with our paint/color/interior specifications and brand new appliances would be so nice. We would have a great house and still have a lot of money leftover each month for beefing up our savings account, taking vacations and not feeling bad about it and doing fun things on the weekend...and even putting more money into upgrading the house if we wanted. This wasn't what we had expected when we started. So we are really close to thinking about making an offer. No new places have come up since the last week beyond the electrical tower one so I'm thinking we might be right where we need to be. The bank usually takes a little longer to respond to offers than an individual seller does so we need to get started if this is where we'd headed. We have seen it a couple times, we keep thinking about it and talking about it, nothing else we have seen is comparable with all things considered, the price is amazing...Now we just need to know how the inspection would go. There are no visible problems and it was built in 2005...but who knows. We don't get an inspection until after we place an offer so I am anxious to get to that point so we know if we're in or out.

--
House talk aside...we tried to go to Avatar at the IMAX tonight. Nathan said Avatar 3D at Christmas but has been raving about how good it was and had badly he wants to see it at the IMAX theater. So I finally agreed to go. Unfortunately the rest of the world did too. We got there an hour early and it was sold out and the line to get seats snaked around the whole theater lobby. I'm not sure if we will ever be able to get in! This is Nathan's second try for IMAX and my coworker also told me she had the same problem. Even if you buy tickets early in the day you still have to go a few hours early to stand in line for seats. It must be amazing.

whew

My mom is in town and it's wedding planning time! She flew in at 6:20 this morning so she is asleep, building up her energy for all the wedding dress appointments we have! I believe we will find something this weekend I really do. And I'm excited for it! We also have tickets to the wedding show which probably won't do much for us since the wedding is in Montana but it will be fun to get ideas. There is a wedding show in Kalispell in Feburary and I am watching ticket prices to see if I can go. It would be extremely beneficial. I should have a bought a plane ticket when they were on sale, what was I thinking!

Nathan and I were pre-approved for a mortgage two weeks ago so the hunt for a house has begun. We saw a couple on our own and our realtor will be hopefully showing us some this weekend (and mom can give her input). It is really hard to look at houses in our price range over here and then compare them to houses in the same price range in Montana. The houses here a bit smaller and the backyards are even smaller but the biggest thing I notice is how close they are to the neighbors! In most neighborhoods a person could stand between two houses and reach out and touch both. It kills me. BUT we are here for at least a little while so we're going to have to accept that! We are also still considering townhouses as an option if we need to watch the price. Nathan really doesn't want to share any walls and I agree with him. I am holding out hope for a good place in our price range but if we have to wait, we have to wait.

It has been really exciting to think about owning our own home and contributing to an asset so I am hopeful the process will bring good results.

Lastly though, I can't help but think about buying a home without thinking about so many people who don't have a home...my job sends me on these revelations all the time as I talk with my homeless clients... but now Haiti is on my mind. I am always devastated to see people suffering from such a massive disaster but Haiti hurts my heart even more as one of my good friends is there working in an orphanage. I spent the last two years looking at her pictures, hearing her stories, learning all about Haiti and falling in love with it. I hear stories on the radio about children laying on the dead bodies of their relatives, not knowing what to do next. People are hungry and thirsty and sick...I am feeling so pulled to go there. I wish I could. I am thankful we are sending help but I worry it was not fast enough. My friend Brittany is hours away from Port Au Prince but there is a good chance her orphange will soon overflow with new children. I know Brittany's heart can love as many children who walk through the door but I hope the orphanage can physically and monetarily handle it. I am sending money to Danita's Children as I know it will go to such a good cause. Beyond that I'm just praying as much as possible for those who are suffering to find peace and those who are hungry to have food and shelter and care.

home

In reference to the previous post: I found a graphic designer who made us an adorable Save the Date for $16.99 and I am so happy!

We took down all of our Christmas decorations yesterday as our complex advertised that a boy scout troupe would come by today to collect trees. We got a bunch of Christmas decorations as gifts and I decided I wish Christmas could come twice a year. I LOVE it so much and it went by way too quickly. I had a really good time at home with our families. As we were driving back we realized it actually gets harder to leave everytime. I noticed that Nathan did not say a single thing about wanting to get back home (to Seattle) like he usually does when we're away. He loves to go places, especially if there are lots of people involved, but he always looks forward to getting home. I do too but usually I could stay about a week longer than he'd like and still be happy. But during this Montana trip he seemed to feel at home. There's just something about Montana. And obviously you all know what it is if you've ever lived there.

We decided that as of right now, moving to Montana is in our five year plan, right at the end of it. Who knows what will happen between now and then but right now that's where we stand. We want to raise our family there, near our own families so choosing to wait much longer would cut out some important years. But we also need to make some more money over here, see and do all the fun things, keep up with the city life. I'm not quite ready to be back in such a familiar place yet but it's helpful to know it is on the horizon.