developing my skill

When I was in graduate school there was one teacher who always talked about finding the good in situations and learning from them. Anytime something would be really hard she would tell us to ask ourselves, "What skill am I being called to develop?" and then we would re-think it and say, "oh, right, I need to learn patience/tolerance/compassion right now...not get frustrated" and it always seemed to make the hardest days feel a little better.

Lately at work I have been called to develop just about every skill in the book and I'm becoming a bit burnt out. I really want to find the positive in it and know that this is a challenge I can grow and learn from...but it is just getting to be a bit much. When the tears come it's about time to look at it a little differently I think. I'm trying to explore the angles, think about what I can do differently, how I can be a better employee...but I just keep hitting a brick wall. There's no secret I am actively (or semi-actively) pursuing another job as this one just isn't for me...but it's hard to leave my clients and really hard to leave the coworkers and team I really really love. But I can't keep coming home like this or having my days interrupted with such hard feelings and then not being able to find support where I expect to see it. My coworkers and my fiance are beyond anything I can ask for when it comes to hugs and condolances and creative ideas for making things better and I so appreciate them. But at the end of the day they aren't the ones who fill out my yearly review or decide whether or not I keep my job...and it's those people I need to get on the same level with...and it just isn't happening.

I usually really want the weekend to get here on days like this but then I honestly spend the weekend wishing work would start again soon so I could stop thinking about it and just DO it. If I loved my job I wouldn't mind thinking about it all the time but this isn't quite the case. I try to love it, I really do. That's what I want. That's why I'm in social work. I want to love it. I DO love it. It's me, it's my passion...but my passion is going to quickly lose it's flame if things stay this way. It's far too early in my career for that to happen...and frankly too early in my life. I don't think about it as a career. I don't do it for the paycheck because Lord knows it's no big paycheck...I do it because it means something to me, and I don't ever want it to stop meaning something really really big and important.

I'm not quite sure what my plan is from here but I know I need to move in the direction of change, quickly.