another day

Today was a hard day at work. It started out promising when I got a loan approved for a man who really needed car repairs. He came in and out of the office and called me probably 10-20 times in about two days as I worked to try to get the bank to approve a loan. It's always a surprise when they approve the loans because the bank doesn't really care much about our clients like we do as social workers. They're hard on them, they expect perfect credit, lots of money, money in savings, etc. etc. Our clients are low income and most don't even have bank accounts...so getting loans through is really hard, even when are banks are trained to be partners with our clients and their unique needs.

So when I got approval for one today, from the hardest loan officer no less, I was really excited. When I let my client know he kept thanking me so much and was clearly so happy.

This made the morning promising but the rest of the day's issues quickly overshadowed the excitement. It wasn't really one particular thing, it was just one person after another, coming in the office with their shoulders heavy and leaving in tears. Telling us about how they'd just been laid off, just gotten their car repossessed, just gotten their power shut off, just got behind on bills...Just over and over. And all I could do was sit there and say, "I'm sorry, I hear you, I wish I could help..." but we are out of resources, everyone is out of resources. The shelters are full, the churches are busy, the banks are too hard on our clients to help them, the jobs are scarce, the housing market is bad...

It's overwhelming, it's frustrating, it's sad, it's scary, it's heartbreaking. I try to help my clients find their strengths and empower them because those are the theories I practice the most...but when a person is at the end of their rope I just don't know what to say anymore. My clients are supposed to come in once a month to work on debt repayment and budgeting and saving. Our meetings have not been able to focus on these things as there are other issues far too pressing.

My supervisor is burnt out. She's been a social worker in the field for years. When she starts telling me she's had it I start to feel anxious and nervous about my own burn out. I'm just getting started, I don't ever want to burn out. But I can see how it happens. Things become so hopeless. Sad story after sad story starts to wear on a person. This is why they keep teaching us about the importance of self care. I am definitely going to add massages in my monthly budget as a start. I work out during my lunches just to get away and to stay fit. I go to weekly meetings where we staff clients and de-stress. Our homeless team workers go out once a week for morning coffee and just talk about life and let it all out. I wish our staff could do that. The problem is only two of us are social workers and the rest have business backgrounds. Most of them don't meet with clients or when they do, their clients tend to have more money and better situations.

I hope with all my heart the economy gets better soon. I'm scared for my clients, I hate wondering where they'll be sleeping tonight and whether or not they got to eat dinner. Everyone keeps saying it will still get worse before it gets better. I'm watching Oprah as they profile all of these people who became suddenly homeless. Here I sit in a four bedroom 3,000 square foot house...nearly empty but for the two of us. There is so much room here, so much more than we need. I feel guilty, spoiled...lucky.

I know things will get better and I know my clients are so strong. I know that even though I can't offer them monetary support everytime they come in I can at least offer them a listening ear and a place to vent their frustrations. I'll listen as long as they need me to.