PASS

I had my oral exams this morning and PASSED. Thank God. I wasn't worried about passing, but I just really didn't know what to expect and wanted to get them over with. They were kind of hard, my chair is known to be pretty difficult compared to many of the others. He didn't give us any information for preparing so I just kind of had to wing it. Most of my classmates did a PowerPoint presentation with everything they knew in it and directed the exams themselves and the chairs would ask questions. My group wasn't given that option so they just had our portfolio and competency statement and could ask anything and everything.

We were basically told by our chair to take all the"fluff" out of our competency statement, so nothing touchy feely or emotional, just straight to-the-point answers with social work terms. So that's how I answered during the exams as well. My second, who has been my seminar leader/advisor the past year and a half and knows me pretty well because of this, said 3/4 of the way through the exams that I was doing them and myself a disservice by just giving textbook answers and putting up a wall instead of getting emotional and showing everyone how I truly feel like I do in seminar. I explained that I didn't think we could do that and that when I get emotional I kind of cry...eeek. Well my advisor really likes touchy feely stuff and "deep dish therapy" so he was doing his best to pull the emotions out. After I had to talk about an ethical dilemma (which by definition is something that tugs at your heart, keeps you up at night and makes you emotional) I started showing my true side and when the last question of, "What is your final statement to us about why you deserve to be an MSW?" I lost it. I was sooo pissed because who freaking CRIES in their orals!? That's like crying in an interview.

And it truly wasn't about stress or worry it was simply about social work and how I really feel about it. It makes me cry because my whole heart is in it every day...I just didn't want to portray it in that way during my orals. But lo and behold my whole heart came right out! My advisor was already teary-eyed as he usually is when we talk so that didn't help. I took a minute to compose myself, when it didn't work I just talked until the tears stopped. I can't believe that happened but I guess that's just me!

They sent me out while they made their decision and called me back in, all of them saying, "Congratulations!" My chair told me I "walk the walk and talk the talk" which I hope will always be evident in my practice. Then he welcomed me to the field of social work.
I wanted to talk to my advisor and just decompress but they had to rush to another exam so I'm just waiting for that moment. I know he won't tell me I'm a complete wimp for crying but I feel so stupid.

Either way, it's over and I passed. I have to give a presenation tomorrow and then my two years of graduate school are over. It's completely bittersweet and knowing me there will probably be a sappy touchy feely entry following this one about what these last two years have been for me...it's been an awesome experience and I'm ready to move on but at the same time sad/nervous/anxious and all of the above.

In the mean time I haven't done much for this presentation tomorrow because I have lost all motivation for school so I'd better go crank it out one last time!:)